How Not to Make a Request!

DucKon has been asked to pass on the following information. It is a list of some of the dumbest things you could ever say to a DJ, so please think before you speak.

"Play something good ... something we can dance to!"
The DJ is playing for everyone, so what you may hate might be someone else's favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to (one way or another).

"I don't know the name of the song or who sings it, but it goes like this..."
DJ's are constantly exposed to dangerous decibel levels and smoke filled rooms. PLEASE don't make them listen to you sing too!

"Everybody will dance if you play it."
The DJ probably won't. Kinda blows a hole in that theory, huh?

"Nobody can dance to this."
It is not advisable to make this statement while the dance floor is packed (You would be amazed how many people do). However, even if there is only one person on the dance floor it still contradicts the statement.

"I can get laid if you play it!"
Why settle for just one night? If this is all it takes go buy the CD and get laid for a whole month!

"I don't know what I wanna hear. What do you have?"
It's much easier for you to go have another beer and think about what you wanna hear than it is for the DJ to tell you the name of every song in their collection.

"I wanna hear something, and I'm not sure what. Anything but this!"
What do you mean by "this"? If you don't like this song, stick around because it ends (sooner or later) but, if you don't like this type of music, then you're definitely at the wrong party.

"Would you play something with a beat?"
You're kidding, right? All songs played here have some sort of beat. Anyone making this statement must be the proud owner of a single kernel of candy corn for a brain.

"Is this the only kind of music you play?"
We bet you'd walk into a Chinese restaurant and ask "Is this the only kind of food you server?" Think about where you are. If you're in a Dance Club, changes are they play "Dance" Music. That means Rock clubs would play "Rock" and Discos probably play "Disco", etc., etc., etc., (If you ask this question we're guessing you probably came here alone and will no doubt leave that way as well).

"Do you mind if I look through your music?"
A DJ's record or CD collection is a very valuable (and personal) work tool. You wouldn't walk into someone's office and just start flipping through their files, would you? We don't come to your place of business and ask to go through your stuff, please don't come here and ask to go through ours.

"I wanna hear it next!!!"
Unless you sign the DJ's paycheck it's not appropriate to say this after requesting a song. Also if the DJ says the song you requested was just played, don't say "Well, I just got here!" Lack of good timing on your part does not constitute undue repetition on ours.

Special Note About "New" Music
DJ's are expected to satisfy everyone in the room and at the same time (hopefully) turn you on to new and exciting music. Chances are that by the time you fall in love with a song you heard on the radio it was already being played for months (and in some cases years) at clubs or parties.

So, please give the DJ a break and "think" before you complain about that "new" song they're playing. There is an old saying in the music business... "Every song that you've ever loved before was once a sing you'd never heard before!" Who knows, the song you complain about today might be your favorite song tomorrow. Give it a chance! And another thing, if the DJ has one hand on the turntable or CD and the other hand on the mixer... please don't interrupt... THEY'RE MIXING!

The above is based on the original "Attention" poster written and produced by Michael Goldman for Positive Stimulation Productions © 1987. Updated version written and produced by Michael Goldman (DJ DrSeuss@aol.com) for Noel & Company © 1999.